The Price is Right
I want to tell you about a mind game I play with myself. I only play it because I can't seem to stop.
You know I love to work out. Sure I do! Then why do I try to talk myself out of it? ALL THE TIME?? Yes, I swear I do! Maybe when I tell you about it you will understand things you find yourself thinking of. Here's what happens.
I didn't work out this morning. I had some trouble falling asleep last night so when my alarm went off at 4:30 I hit the nap function and slept another hour. I thought several times during my day that I would definitely work out this evening. I had a pretty intense day. I got a lot of things done. And I stuck to my eating plan for the day as well. I took a mid-afternoon walk around the block and found myself thinking of food cheats that I knew I didn't need. I wasn't hungry; I wasn't stressed. I was actually kind of restless! I simply needed to give myself a bit of a diversionary break and the walk around the block would accomplish that. I wanted to go off my eating plan but I thought it through, talked myself out of it better than I had been talking myself into it and I kept right on walking.
I ended up working on a lot of stuff and I didn't get home until 7pm. On the bus home I felt pretty tired but I thought if I did a good basic workout I'd feel better, mentally and physically. And sleep better tonight too. Still, I kept having these thoughts creep into my mind telling me it wouldn't be so bad if I skipped tonight. NO IT WOULDN'T!!! OK, get home. Change clothes. Get to it right away before I have time to distract myself. Alright I'm outsmarting myself AGAIN. Good job. But good grief, I LOVE WORKING OUT why do I have to talk myself into it? Oh shut up and start swinging that kettlebell already!
Three rounds of a minute of swings and a minute of sumo squats. I am DYING by the end of the second round. OH! Two rounds is fine, you're tired don't do the third. NO SHUT UP AND DO THE THIRD ROUND! I bitch myself out. I do it. Thank you Sybil for that kick in the ass. OK now throw the heavy ball and alternate with Bulgarian Squats. Damn my glutes and hams have been hurting all day. All of this hurts! How do I make it better? By working all my muscles again. SHUT UP AND DO IT.
OK get on the floor. Ten Getup Situps and twenty Russian twists with 20lbs. OH GOD THAT HURTS. No, ten twists are not enough. I can do 20. Take a couple of breaths and KEEP GOING. Three rounds. Hit the timer. One minute rest. Ten military push ups, ten knee push ups. What? Shoulders hurt so bad by that third round you don't think you can finish? OH YOU'RE GONNA FINISH ALRIGHT. Fuck yeah. Finishing will be the reward. You're so close. JUST FINISH. Push past the pain until you reach that last rep and GET IT FINISHED.
I do not know why I have come this far and I STILL have to talk myself into doing the things I know I want to do. But I also wanted the cookies or chips I thought of today while I was walking. And I also wanted to stop breathing really hard and I wanted to stop pushing my muscles hard enough to make my arms shake and my legs sore and my sides burn.
Change does not come with those first few easy reps. It comes with those last few that really REALLY hurt. It comes with that third set you have to fight through. With the correct lunch you have and the cheat snack that you don't.
There's a place across the street from my office that has the best oatmeal cookies I've ever had. I'll think about them tomorrow as I often do. And I hope when I stand up from my chair my glutes and hams will twinge again like they did all day today, reminding me of what I did tonight and what I don't want to negate.
I have changed a lot about myself and I want to go farther. I want to see and feel my body and my abilities continue to develop and change. I know what it costs. I know I have to pay for it. I'll pay.
You know I love to work out. Sure I do! Then why do I try to talk myself out of it? ALL THE TIME?? Yes, I swear I do! Maybe when I tell you about it you will understand things you find yourself thinking of. Here's what happens.
I didn't work out this morning. I had some trouble falling asleep last night so when my alarm went off at 4:30 I hit the nap function and slept another hour. I thought several times during my day that I would definitely work out this evening. I had a pretty intense day. I got a lot of things done. And I stuck to my eating plan for the day as well. I took a mid-afternoon walk around the block and found myself thinking of food cheats that I knew I didn't need. I wasn't hungry; I wasn't stressed. I was actually kind of restless! I simply needed to give myself a bit of a diversionary break and the walk around the block would accomplish that. I wanted to go off my eating plan but I thought it through, talked myself out of it better than I had been talking myself into it and I kept right on walking.
I ended up working on a lot of stuff and I didn't get home until 7pm. On the bus home I felt pretty tired but I thought if I did a good basic workout I'd feel better, mentally and physically. And sleep better tonight too. Still, I kept having these thoughts creep into my mind telling me it wouldn't be so bad if I skipped tonight. NO IT WOULDN'T!!! OK, get home. Change clothes. Get to it right away before I have time to distract myself. Alright I'm outsmarting myself AGAIN. Good job. But good grief, I LOVE WORKING OUT why do I have to talk myself into it? Oh shut up and start swinging that kettlebell already!
Three rounds of a minute of swings and a minute of sumo squats. I am DYING by the end of the second round. OH! Two rounds is fine, you're tired don't do the third. NO SHUT UP AND DO THE THIRD ROUND! I bitch myself out. I do it. Thank you Sybil for that kick in the ass. OK now throw the heavy ball and alternate with Bulgarian Squats. Damn my glutes and hams have been hurting all day. All of this hurts! How do I make it better? By working all my muscles again. SHUT UP AND DO IT.
OK get on the floor. Ten Getup Situps and twenty Russian twists with 20lbs. OH GOD THAT HURTS. No, ten twists are not enough. I can do 20. Take a couple of breaths and KEEP GOING. Three rounds. Hit the timer. One minute rest. Ten military push ups, ten knee push ups. What? Shoulders hurt so bad by that third round you don't think you can finish? OH YOU'RE GONNA FINISH ALRIGHT. Fuck yeah. Finishing will be the reward. You're so close. JUST FINISH. Push past the pain until you reach that last rep and GET IT FINISHED.
I do not know why I have come this far and I STILL have to talk myself into doing the things I know I want to do. But I also wanted the cookies or chips I thought of today while I was walking. And I also wanted to stop breathing really hard and I wanted to stop pushing my muscles hard enough to make my arms shake and my legs sore and my sides burn.
Change does not come with those first few easy reps. It comes with those last few that really REALLY hurt. It comes with that third set you have to fight through. With the correct lunch you have and the cheat snack that you don't.
There's a place across the street from my office that has the best oatmeal cookies I've ever had. I'll think about them tomorrow as I often do. And I hope when I stand up from my chair my glutes and hams will twinge again like they did all day today, reminding me of what I did tonight and what I don't want to negate.
I have changed a lot about myself and I want to go farther. I want to see and feel my body and my abilities continue to develop and change. I know what it costs. I know I have to pay for it. I'll pay.
posted by Dagny at
8:42 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home