The Secret of The Secret

I met someone online who gushed to me about how great he thought "The Secret" is. So I checked it out. You can watch it online for a few bucks. What a joke! Think about something really hard and it will happen. Imagine yourself owning something you really want and you'll get it. Carry around a picture of something, look at it constantly, and it will soon become yours. How about I just cross my arms and blink or wiggle my nose? Yeah, the "Secret" is IT DOESN'T WORK.

Thinking about something won't make it happen. Maybe every once in a while, coincidence and circumstances might make it seem that way but come on, get real. If wishing made it so, this world would be a vastly different place now wouldn't it? I believe that living under false hopes can bring only disappointment and disillusionment.

DOING IS REALITY. If you want something, you have to do the things that will get it for you! Like achieving a state of positive health and physical ability! My trainer was telling me recently that she will have clients who pay her fees but then don't work out the rest of the week or who don't follow an appropriate eating plan. Sometimes people think throwing money at a problem will fix it. So they go out and buy the fancy treadmill or the expensive running shoes or maybe even they pay the high-end trainer. But the treadmill turns into a clothes rack and the running shoes are worn to the grocery store. And the trainer might as well be just like that ignored treadmill! Wasted money!

What's going on when you say you want something but then don't do the things you KNOW you have to do to get it? You think about certain results you want, but on a day to day basis you are unwilling to do the things necessary to achieve them. Losing weight and achieving results from exercise are definitely difficult to do and require extensive time and effort. Sure, it's very easy to have every good intention...until the boss orders pizza for everybody for lunch or your busy schedule doesn't lend itself well to prioritizing for working out.

You haven't accepted what needs to be done. You haven't decided that you want the results enough to do what needs to be done! You enable yourself; you lie to yourself. You feel guilt on some level and you do things to assuage it: You buy the treadmill, the shoes, the hours with the trainer or the gym membership. You overeat at lunch and convince yourself that skipping dinner will make everything alright. You cheat with "forbidden" nibbles here and there; you don't think it's much. But come the weekly weigh-in, that scale lets you know you're not making the right choices.

Did you ever dip your toe into a pool and decide it was too cold to jump in? You knew that if you did jump in and endured a few minutes' discomfort, soon you'd be acclimated to the water and enjoying yourself. Eventually you are tired of watching everybody else have fun and you go ahead and take the plunge. After the initial shock and deep gasping breaths from what feels like freezing water, you're splashing around and having a great time.

Constructive Living teaches that the dread of doing something and the work involved in avoiding it, can start to be worse than TAKING ACTION on what's being avoided. Undertaking an exercise and nutritional plan is like that. It IS difficult to get started! It IS difficult to work at it consistently enough and persistently enough to see results. But when you start to feel the payoff? It will all become worth it. Success will build on success with the discovery of every little benefit and you'll embrace the lifestyle changes that are increasing your energy, helping you to feel great, and causing your clothes to become loose and comfortable.

It's true, getting to that point takes a lot of work. I believe a good starting strategy is to take an unflinching look at what you use to enable yourself, then set about to undermine all your excuses.

Are you ready to jump into the pool?

Twelve Steps? How About ONE

I am an extremely UN-spiritual person. This perspective means that I have a generally negative attitude about the "Twelve Step" recovery approach. Besides its overt religious connections, I don't agree with the self-perspective it fosters.

I believe in taking responsibility for mistakes, failures, and shortcomings--And in taking the credit for successes and abilities. This idea that some unseen force, including a deity or some other supernatural entity, is responsible for manipulating us when we fail or being our strength when we succeed...I can't get behind that!

I get quite disgusted with the lengths to which some people will look for ways to dismiss themselves of all responsibility for what they do. They're "powerless." People who take up "Fat Acceptance" have surrendered to their limitations. People who seek out Twelve Step recovery believe they are "powerless" under the control of the substance or behavior they abuse. In these and many other ways, we have become a culture that looks for where to place blame: Anywhere but on ourselves!

I believe we are only "powerless" if we choose to be. Any problem or issue or negative behavior we might deal with CAN be solved if we work hard to find the right solution. We are only powerless if we choose to SURRENDER and see ourselves as victims forever.

For my whole life up until 2005, I was unable to take control of my eating addiction and resolve my weight problem. I was not powerless. It took until 2005 for me to find the solution to my problem. And when I found it, I put it to work in my life. I applied myself very conscientiously and achieved the maximum benefit I could out of the opportunity I had discovered.

I made the solution permanent. Consider this simple analogy: Once I got on the right road, I wanted to take it as far away as possible so that I could never go back. The longer and harder the journey back became, the less likely it would be that I would return to my starting point. This is what I meant yesterday when I wrote that The More You Change, The More You Will Be Changed. For example: Exercise has become such a routine part of my life now that my body will actually tell me it needs to move. I've become addicted to the way I feel after working out hard; I am addicted to the rush and the sense of accomplishment that comes from pushing myself further, from feeling physically capable, physically confident, and athletic. I lost that sense that my body could be overwhelmed by limitations. That in itself is life-changingly liberating!

I consider myself permanently CHANGED FOR GOOD with a totally new perspective on my life.

I feel that some recovery strategies want you to believe that failure, relapse, and recidivism is a constant threat; that you are a permanently flawed person and you'll need to lean on crutches forever. The philosophy wants you to immerse yourself in recovery culture for your own good.

I believe you can leave things in the past and distance yourself from them by creating that sense in your life that you are permanently changed. To return to negative behaviors would make me feel like I am undermining everything I've worked so hard to earn! I can't do that to myself anymore! It would make me feel like I am abusing myself and being self-destructive. I can't do that anymore.

Deep, extensive changes are what will change you for good. It takes a lot of work. Persistent, consistent DAILY work and effort. The payoff is worth it.

Take just one step but take it every day, all the time, from this moment on.
Ask yourself: What needs to be done now?

Change and Be Changed

I had some very interesting conversations recently with a couple of different people who had different perspectives on resolving past issues. We talked about what might hold us back from making positive changes. Do we allow baggage from the past or negative feelings to stop us from moving forward? I've written previously about how we might fail to do something that we claim we fervently want. I know I'm using new age-y-speak here but it can't be helped! Anyway!

Basically, I have applied my experiences of many years to come to a place where I believe that we can take lessons from the past but ultimately we should leave it behind. We can devote so much energy and time to analyzing our feelings and how we feel about past experiences that we lose sight of what we should be DOING NOW. The past is the past. You can't change it. You can't fix it. You know what you can change? TODAY! THIS MINUTE. NOW. YOUR FUTURE. You can't change your past. But you can start RIGHT NOW having a positive impact on your future.

I have seen how, for myself, taking control of my food issues, expanding my physical abilities, and developing a sense of connectedness to my physical self has changed how I approach and think about pretty much EVERYTHING ELSE in my life. I always had a high level of confidence in certain abilities. Now I am SUPER CONFIDENT in a broader range of things and feel far better equipped to deal with anything I might face throughout my life. My perspective on life and its ups and downs is different. How I relate to people and the whole world really is changed.

I believe that I have accomplished this by addressing what is MY FOUNDATION. I brought the most basic components of my existence under control: My physical self and abilities. My health and nutrition. I don't believe in analyzing and "fixing feelings". I think that's tantamount to believing you can change the past.

I did a lot of reading and research in the year following my weight loss surgery. I read an article about the traits of people who had maintained long-term weight loss. The basic concept really made a lot of sense to me. Essentially, it was this:

The more you change, the more you will be changed.

What this means is, if you want to create permanent positive changes in your life, then the more you change about yourself, the more distance you put between your "old" ways and what you want to do differently, the more those changes will succeed and become permanent. It makes a lot of sense that the fewer connections you retain to any behavior you want to depart from, the less likely it will be that you will slip back into it. It's really a pretty simple idea when you think about it.

So what needs to be done now? I say, live in the present and don't worry about the past. Empowering yourself in the present will change how you view the issues you need to deal with. You may find yourself armed with a whole new set of artillery and tools (i.e., perspective and attitude) to deal with what needs doing. Don't ask chicken or the egg. Get going on what needs to be done now and let the past be the past.

I happen to believe that a lot of "recovery" strategies actually make it harder to permanently change. I will write about that later this week.

Surgery Report

I had surgery on Friday and everything went really well! My doctor even came to my home on Saturday to check the incisions and to give me an ultrasound treatment. Thanks to the miracle of STERISTRIPS I am able to shower. My range of movement has improved each day. I have incisions from my armpit to my elbow. I am much less swollen and bruised than I thought I would be. I can already see that my arms have a very natural shape and I am especially happy to see that my bicep definition shows nicely! I have not been able to see the actual incision to get an idea what the scar will look like but I am already very pleased!

I had never wanted a tattoo because I believed there would never be anything I'd have the same opinion and feeling about throughout my life. But I decided that after I had arm surgery I would get a tattoo if I still wanted one after considering it for at least a year. I want to have NEW DAY tattooed on my arm because it is the meaning of my name and because it means many things to me. I am researching Richard Neutra typefaces for the design: NEW DAY in Neutraface Condensed No. 2

The Future's in Plastics

I'm having plastic surgery tomorrow. I'm ready to just get it over with! I am hoping to have three procedures this year. This first procedure will be on my arms. The procedure is called a brachioplasty, an "arm lift." I am extremely fortunate in that my skin issues are really quite minimal given the amount of weight I lost and for my age. I consulted with two surgeons and both were amazed at how tight my torso is. A lot of people probably wouldn't mind living with the bit of stomach flab I have. I would like to have a tummy tuck later this year but my real priority is my arms. You can't hide 'em like you can belly flab!

My upper arm sag is pretty serious! I even have trouble finding women's blouses that will fit me in the sleeves! So I am very excited to get this taken care of. Sorry, no "before" pics! But I might post some "after" photos.

Yesterday afternoon I had what will be my last session with my trainer for awhile. I pulled up my tee shirt sleeves and she was raving about my arms! When my skin is tight I will have pretty darn good upper arm muscle definition for a woman! My trainer was moaning that she attended a formal event recently and wore a sleeveless gown. She was disappointed to see that she was caught in some photos looking like her upper arms were "straight." Her arms look great! I'm sure it was just the camera angle.

So I'm taking care of final preparations today and eager for tomorrow to get here. I will be at home all next week but I'm not sure if I will be able to type comfortably! I am a little paranoid that I might be getting sick. I share an office with a co-worker who is notorious for spreading respiratory infections and wouldn't you know the week of my surgery he comes in with bronchitis! I wish he'd had the good sense to STAY HOME! I keep thinking my throat hurts and I am freaking over every little need to sniff or sneeze! I'm hoping I'm just totally irrational and I wake up fine tomorrow!

So if I don't post for awhile it's because I can't type!!! As soon as I can I will report how things went. I also hope to get a tattoo when I am completely healed!

Firmly Grounded in REALITY

I admit I love "Biggest Loser"!! I like the weigh-in and I like the ridiculous challenges. I DO NOT like the god-awful music and how they use it to heighten the drama. It's super cheesy! And I really don't like the host lady, whatever her name is. Especially the way she over-explains the obvious.

But I DIG THE TRAINERS. Bob Harper is pretty cool but I am SO GAY for Jillian Michaels. She has a weekly radio show that I listen to every week. You can check out her broadcasts here: Jillian Michaels radio show on KFI-AM radio

Last week they're weighing in people who got sent home and came back and had 30 days to lose weight on their own. One woman lost only two pounds and she announces "I know I was building muscle." And trainer Bob jumps all over her. "NO! There's no muscle. No excuses here. There's no muscle." That's right, Bob. Two pounds in one month could be a regular fluctuation.

My one big issue with Biggest Loser is how I am sure it causes some people to develop unrealistic expectations. These people lose huge amounts of weight week after week, even double digits several weeks out when weight loss normally should slow down. Jillian's radio show reveals how this happens: These people do cardio for SIX TO EIGHT HOURS A DAY!!! These people have nothing but weight loss to work on 24/7. And they're in it for a quarter-million-dollar prize. I would be so beyond obsessed! There's simply no way anyone could duplicate those conditions! It stands to reason, therefore, that it's largely an impossibility to duplicate their results!

I believe that to maintain motivation and achieve progress in steps, you need to be realistic about your goals and capabilities. I can seem like I'm crazy obsessed sometimes! And on some level, I kind of AM! But honestly? I am realistic about what I will be able to achieve. First and foremost, I keep my focus on doing what will be healthy for me. If I do that, I know my body will respond positively. I think of the way I look as an added benefit! I want to FEEL REALLY GOOD more than anything. I want to feel fewer limitations on my abilities than I used to and I'm very pleased to have that now! And of course it is a fact: A healthy, well-maintained and conditioned body is going to look better overall than an unhealthy, poorly-maintained one!

I would love to look totally ripped! But dang peeps, I'm knockin' on FORTY NINE YEARS OLD!!! And with the way my hormones are starting to prepare themselves for the next phase of my lifetime, it's unlikely I'd ever be able to achieve a bodyfat percentage that would make me look like a fitness model, no matter what my muscular development! I accept that as reality. I know that there are things I could do to try to force my body to a certain state but they probably wouldn't be all that healthy. So I will keep doing all the things that are making me feel great day to day and where I end up from maintaining that lifestyle after several years? Well, I'm sure I'll be happy there.

I am also realistic, however, about the amount of work and effort it takes to accomplish certain things. I think back to the years that I really didn't know what intense exercise was. I simply didn't know how to work my body to a level that was going to produce real change and improvement. Even going to a gym and using a series of giant machines was just a waste of time. I needed to make my body the machine and work it hard! It can be a very exciting journey to learn your physical limits and how to break out beyond them!

Whatever your goals, I hope you will put fitness and health FIRST and let the aesthetic results emerge on their own. Do what's best for your body and YOU WILL feel improved energy and alertness. YOU WILL sleep better and notice that your physical abilities are extending. YOU WILL develop a sense of being in control of yourself with a new feeling of connectedness to your physical self. And yes, one day you'll look in the mirror and notice that changes are most definitely happening!

Work to develop strength in your body and you will find a sense of real strength and power developing in all areas of your life!

What Will It Take?

How many people have already abandoned "New Year Resolutions" to lose weight and get more exercise? Probably damn near everybody who made such a resolution!! WHY? If you WANT to look a certain way and feel a certain way, WHY aren't you willing to do what it takes to achieve that?

Maybe you don't want it enough.

Is that trite? Is that oversimplified? I don't think so! I believe it is a simple, basic REALITY.

How do you come to make a major life change? You need something powerful to establish your sense of resolve and commitment. I think for a lot of people that requires a kind of life change in itself! You've realized that you can't do something you used to do anymore and you feel restricted and limited. You've had a health issue escalate to a level that scares you, even a little. You have a new person in your life who inspires you to want different abilities and traits than you currently have. You've made some sort of life change, like relocating or a new job, that has imposed lifestyle changes you must be able to adapt to. Or maybe you just have some experience that has such a powerful effect on you (often negative and humiliating) that it hits you so hard you realize YOU ARE READY.

I do not go in for most types of "self-help" books. Years ago however I discovered the principles of Constructive Living. Basically, Constructive Living implores you to TAKE ACTION! Constructive living is about NOT analyzing and planning and trying to determine your feelings but rather that DOING IS REALITY. Talking about something really isn't. If you want to make a change in your life you either DO IT or YOU DON'T. Right?

Procrastination can erode away your quality of life and undermine so much of what you want. We can be especially prone to this when it comes to changes that might be difficult, even if just at first. We harbor fear and doubt for many reasons and so we resort to endless planning, negotiating and bargaining, and procrastinating in many forms. Do you find that you come up with reasons why you "can't" do something? Why you have to put it off until some other time. But then that next time is delayed for some reason, too. Adopting a correct nutrition plan and incorporating exercise into daily life are certainly two things MANY people find reasons to avoid. Despite claiming they want to do them!!!!

So what will it take for you to TAKE ACTION TODAY? I'd like to share a very powerful strategy I have used for years. I learned it from the first book I read on Constructive Living. It can be applied to immediate situations, simple and complex life matters, and short- or long-term plans and needs. It requires that you be ABSOLUTELY HONEST with yourself! And as we know, YOU are the easiest person for you to lie to!

At any time, ask yourself this straight forward question:
WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE NOW?

And answer it! But answer it in complete honesty!! Start asking yourself that question today, at various times of the day in all sorts of situations. Notice how easy or hard it is for you to determine the answer. I will discuss some examples in a future post. In the mean time, check out this book and others by Dr. David K. Reynolds.

What You Don't Need!

The weight loss and exercise commercials and infomercials are still raging as we start the second month of the new year! I recently saw one for an electric belt that zaps you with electrical pulses to "tone" your muscles. First of all, "toning" is one of those marketing words. Muscles don't have "tone." They shrink or they grow. If you develop some muscle definition perhaps it can be said you have a "toned" kind of look but it's not a physiological trait.

So I'm wondering if this electro-belt thing might cause your muscles to temporarily tighten up and contract but I can't imagine how that could cause the micro-tears that cause the building of new muscle tissue. It's a basic fact: You must stress a muscle to cause your body to need to repair it. It comes back with more tissue than before and grows.

I was pitchin' a holy fit over another infomercial I happened to catch!!! For "Kettlenetics" selling a "Kbell." The "miracle" that's transforming thousands of women! Uh-huh. For $40 you get a boatload of DVDs and all manner of journals and posters and guides. And a FOUR POUND KETTLEBELL. Four pounds!!! That will do NOTHING.

It takes simple, basic equipment to do serious work. And you can do it at home! Consider NOT joining a gym! Spend the money on equipment you just might be more likely to use MORE OFTEN at home! Two kettlebells and a Swiss ball offer you a vast range of challenging exercises you can do at home, in private, where you can really focus and get into your head with the experience. Speaking of which....

Are you one of those people who thinks that working out means going to a gym with a bag full of stuff that has NOTHING to do with working out?? Stop "putting in the time" on a treadmill, brainlessly staring at a magazine or the TV. Start a training program that ENGAGES YOUR BRAIN AND YOUR FOCUS!

I first started getting seriously into the mindgame of exercise when I bought a set of adjustable dumbbells and a bench. My building has a gym in it but I wanted to work out in private. I found that I really got into it and the overall intensity of my training definitely kicked up higher. When my trainer is teaching me something new or an exercise is particularly challenging, I always want to know exactly what muscles are supposed to be doing the work. I concentrate very hard on that part of my body. I will feel very connected, my form will be excellent so I will get the greatest benefit from the exercise, and often I can do more and better reps than if I had not been as focused. And of course, I am left with a sense of accomplishment!

The mind-body integration pays off in many ways! For all my life I felt betrayed by my physical self. I did not want my physical presence to be seen as representing who I was. It was a disconnection I have only come to truly understand now that I live with a sense that my mind and body are connected, integrated, and my physical self DOES represent who I am!

What's distracting you away from focusing on your physical abilities? Get serious! Pick up something really heavy and start a deep mindgame! You will accomplish more than you imagined you could!

The Secret Benefit of Exercise

I wrote recently about a friend of mine I know to be very stressed. I know someone else who carries a degree of stress in his life that appears to be affecting his overall health. I'm sure there are various organic reasons for hypertension but being super stressed from external factors can't possibly help!!! He was pretty athletic when he was younger so I've tried to talk to him about taking up a very serious training plan with a trainer. I think it would help him quite a bit.

I wrote yesterday morning about learning to identify the underlying causes of psychological hunger. Stress is a BIG ONE!!! Little stressors and major. Daily life and issues that simmer at our foundations. Stress of all kinds will drive you to eat.

I have found that serious exercise has significantly transformed the impact of stress in my life. Several times a week, pretty much every day really, I am doing something that clears my head, releases ALL the tension out of my body, gives me a jolt of energy, and makes me feel totally BAD ASS and powerful!!

Look at it this way: Do something really great for your body and it's going to show you the LUV right back. The positive response from your body is going to astound you when you boost what is really a form of self-care to another level. I like to think that the cumulative effect is that the positive energy in my life is overwhelming the negative so whatever stress I have, whatever negative stuff might be trying to poke at me, it's being minimized and very well managed for me. I don't even feel cognizant of it!

The biggest stress for me these days seems to be that I have a zillion things I want to do and I struggle to find the time to fit it all in. At work I have a minimum of time pressure. In fact, I'm about the only person putting any deadlines on me! My own standards are what drive me for the most part and I set standards for myself that can be ruthlessly high. I know what I have to do to feel like I've "done enough" and I can feel comfortable giving myself a rest. When I identify something that I think will be a distraction or stress factor in my life, I seek to deal with it quickly. I've learned to give myself what I need. Being able to identify what I need was a big step. And I don't need cookies.

I will leave you with this clip from the 1977 movie "Pumping Iron." It has been made fun of for years but think about this: There's another physical sensation that is really just a series of muscle contractions. Oh yes. It really is just muscle contractions....